Yes, it’s YOUR fault.
That argument with your teammate. The bashing heads with your stubborn advisor. It’s on you.
That stings, but it’s the truth. Or at least it needs to be your truth.
This has nothing to do with whose to blame. Frankly, I don’t care whose to blame and neither should you. Blame it worthless and distracting at best. It’s about taking responsibility. It’s about taking control of what’s in your control. Because once you do, and only once you do, can you start moving towards a solution.
The only way to move forward is to accept the responsibility for your problems. By accepting responsibility you empower yourself. You go from letting life beat you up to actively influencing every aspect of it.
This works no mater what form the problem shows up in. Are you having troubles with a relationship? (teammates, co-worker, advisor, parent, etc.) Here’s a quick exercise for you:
1. Think about that disagreement or relationship trouble
2. Draw a circle. Find any piece of paper and draw a decent sized circle with a line going from the top (12 o’clock) to the center. It’s our pie graph
3. Shade in the piece of the pie that you are contributing to the disagreement, what ever part it may be.
See that slice of pie… that’s the part of the problem you are the cause of. That’s what you are responsible for. Now, comes the hard part.
Own your slice of the pie
Fix what you are responsible for. Improve your slice.
Stop trying to fix their slice. You have no control over it anyway. By focusing on what you can control, you go from being helpless to making a difference.
Own your slice